My thoughts...it's been awhile

I am so stinkin bad at keeping up on my blog. But then again I have been busy lately. We have been getting a lot done around the house. Last weekend a very good friend of mine came over and gave me that push that I needed and helped me decorate. It feels good to finally have some pictures on the walls, feels even more like a home now. My husband and I painted out bedroom and tomorrow plan on painting the hallway. He has been busy too working his normal job, helping his friend with the farm and working on the outside of the house, planting grass etc.

Still waiting for that month my period does not come and I am pregnant. We are both checking out ok. I had my HSG (dye test to look at tubes and uterus), My OB did it and while there said tubes were open and everything looked ok but she would talk to me more after the radiologist read it. Of course the radiologist felt a little different, there was a small fibroid and a "filling defect" in the lower segment of my uterus. He suggested a ultrasound or MRI to follow up. She did point out this area but felt that it was probably just an air bubble from the contrast/dye. Tuesday I go in for a pelvic ultrasound and hope that everything checks ok. I'm tired of being on this rollercoaster!

Last Saturday on my way home from dinner I found four very small kittens in the middle of a country road by my house. I stopped to look around and see of there was a mom but did not see one. They were crying for help, shaking! I could NOT leave them so I loaded them up in my car and brought them home. I made them a little house out of a few boxes to keep them safe. They stayed with me until Monday afternoon when the shelter (No kill) near by accepted them. They were so loving and friendly! I just do not understand how someone could drop them off out in the middle of no where. They would not have had a chance if I or anyone else had not found them. I got attached to those little babies even though I only had them for about 48 hours. I still miss them and think about them. I know they are in good hands and will find good homes. The ladies at the shelter estimated them to be about 5 weeks old, 2 boys and 2 girls.

Feeling blue...

Wow I have not posted in awhile. Well today is the day, I need to get some things off my mind. Last week was awful and it all started on Sunday. I worked on the floor for the first time at the new hospital for my contigent position. Lets just say long story short my preceptor sucked, did not make me feel welcome and was more worried about being on facebook than teaching me or taking care of her patients. Now the question is "Do I ever want to go back there?" I will give it another try but definitely with someone that is going to do their job and show me the routine. Geez, I know I have been a nurse for 11 years but I have no idea what your hospital is like.

Then my poor sister was burglarized on Tuesday. Yep someone or some people kicked her door in and stole a bunch of her things including her identity. All I have to say is I hope they get what they deserve! There is nothing more that I hate than people who steale. We all work very hard for what we have.

Then of course AF came on Wednesday. Everyday there seems to be a new announcement of pregnancy. It's all around me but not happening to me. I feel so frustrated and it kills me to not have any control over it! If I hear " It will happen, don't worry or just relax and quit trying." I am going to lose it! No one understands unless they have been in this situation, anyone that can get pregnant in 3-4 months or less has NO idea how lucky they are.

One positive is we went to my OB and have started the whole infertility testing. At least we can find out if there is something wrong and hopefully do something to correct it. I can say I have been blessed with a very supportive husband although he may not understand why I am so emotional sometimes, he has been great! Just waiting for day 21 to get here so I can have my blood drawn. Then if we both check out ok an HSG will be done on me. This is where they inject dye into your uterus and check to make sure tubes are clear and uterus is positioned normally. Fun fun for me. I need some answers, part of me feels like something is wrong. Although my OB says it can take sometime. Most people will conceive within 18 months. That is a long damn time when you really want it. I have been going to church again which is very helpful and I pray every night. Oh well I guess that is all I have to say today. Hoping to have some good exciting announcements soon.

Our weekend to T-town

We had a great weekend visiting my family. We had not been to my home town in over a year. I know that is bad and I felt very guilty about it. Last year was very busy for us, we were building a house, plus had quite a few other things going on. I feel so much better now that we had a good visit.

Happy Birthday Grandma Jane! Glad you are on the road to recovery.

Me and my dad




Cousins Bill and Betsy

Grandma Jane and Alyson

Me and my hubby

Grandma and Grandpa Richards

Good Luck Jesus!

We will miss you! Jesus moved back to Mexico with his wife and son to be closer to family. We will definitely miss his very pleasant and funny personality. Maybe someday we can go to Mexico to visit him. Sounds good to me. :)

Life

This weekend has been pretty good. Friday night we went out with a couple we had not seen in several months. We went to the local mexican restaurant and then came back to our house and played Wii. Today I went to church. I will admit when I woke up I kinda did not want to go. But now that I did I feel so good. Church is an outlet for me, praying helps relieve stress and I get some things off my mind. Right now I needed to pray for my Grandma who is in the hospital with bronchitis and very high blood pressure. Chad and I are going home this Friday and Saturday to visit. All of my family except for my sister are about 3 hours away. A year has gone by so fast and I feel guilty I have not been home to visit since Christmas 2007. But we were very busy last year building our house and dealing with other issues at the begining of the year. Better late than never.

Nothing new to report. Same old same old.

I love Target!!!

I was in one of my shopping moods today . Just felt like browsing around in a store. I had so much fun and found some great deals. I bought a shark steamer to clean my countertops with instead of using chemicals. Oh yeah and everthing was on clearance! Woo hoo! The best buy was a digital picture frame for $21.oo, yes I had to look at it several times to make sure that was what I was seeing. It's nice, has a 7 inch screen and mocha colored frame. A nice picture for $5, basket for $3 and a photo album for $8. It feels so good when you find great deals like this.

This week is much better than last. I'm glad it is almost time for the weekend. :)

Today..........

Today I going to complete some employment paperwork and physical for my new contigent job. I'm excited and looking forward to this. It will be so nice to have an extra job closer to home and who knows I may really like it there. I need ot keep this short and sweet and go get myself ready.

AF started today which I knew was coming. I'm sad but did not cry. I'm really going to try hard to just relax this next cycle. This is something that I cannot control, which drives me crazy. There is no sense in worrying about it because that is definitely not helping. Oh well I'm going to try to blog later about the rest of my week. It's been sad in some other ways.

Decorating

I have had a really nice weekend. Yesterday we went to breakfast and then to Target. I wanted to but an entry way table for our Foyer. Of course I did not like the one that was on sale but oh well. I really like it and it was easy to put together. Our foyer looked so bare, little by little this house will come together.

It feels overwhelming sometimes when I think about all the things we need to do around here. We still have quite a bit of painting left to do and decorating is the big one. I love it but I always second guess myself. I wish I could be more self confident. I find myself walking in circles trying to decide where to hang pictures or where to place other things on endstands, mantle etc. I have a business card for an interior decorator but I have not made the call yet. One I just don't know that we can afford it. Well maybe I will at least call and ask, it would be nice to have some help.

Can you help me get off this rollercoaster?

So I don't know all the details yet but Chad had a meeting at work this afternoon to discuss the budget and possible lay offs. Ugh! This would be the last thing we need right now. He said me a text that said " No lay offs for now, still getting a raise this year, I will tell you more details later." Whew! That is what I needed to hear. When he gets home later he can fill me in.

Yesterday I got an offer for the contingent nursing position at Madison County Hospital. Yay!! I go next week to complete some more paperwork and a physical then at some point RN/General Hospital orientation. I am really looking forward to having a place closer to home to pick up extra time and it will be nice to meet some people around here. I really do not know many people here since I did not grow up here.

Chad had some blood tests come back abnormal and had an ultrasound today. I was worried about that too. I tell ya when it rains it pours. But so far the results are looking ok still waiting on some more blood work results to come back. Keeping my fingers crossed it turns out to be nothing.

Then there is this who trying to conceive thing. I have been told by more than a few people that I am worrying too much and that I need to put the OPK's and thermometer away. Not sure how I feel about this, I did not think I was worrying that much. Taking my temps is a way to learn about my body and I find it very interesting. Maybe I am but do not realize it. Hmmmm what should I do? maybe if I did put that stuff away and repeat several time everyday "I will get pregnant someday if it is meant to happen." that would be better. TTC was described very well on a board I belong to. A rollercoaster! I am tired of riding the rollercoaster and I want off!

I can't believe it!

I just changed my backround and I did not screw it up. I have been wanting to change it but scared to death I would mess it up.

Thanks to Janny for her adorable backrounds and directions.

What do you think??

Worried

Well I decided to stay home today due to the weather. Turns out they are closing the office at noon. That would not have been worth the two hour drive to get there. I felt guilty at first my now not so much. It's bad out there. My husband tells me last night. "We are having a union meeting on Thurs afternoon. Employees need to give up their 3% raise this year or they are going to lay off three people." Well guess what, Chad is at the top of the three so he will be one of them. I really hope that does not happen and prayed hard about it last night. We need both of our incomes to make it. Then this try to conceive is about making me mentally ill. I try so hard NOT to worry but I think I still am without even realizing it. I started spotting today which I guess could be implantation, I'm six days post ovulation but I am already thinking the worst. I'm just sure it will be my period. I needed to get that off my chest. Now I am off to organize some things.

Feeling sad today......

So my morning starts off with ,"you won't believe who died." One of my patients, a young 58 year old that was just in for an appointment on the 13th. He was such a pleasant person even though he had been through a really rough time. His wife commited suicide a year and a half ago. Of course he was having trouble dealing with it. Who wouldn't?? He loved her! When he was in we talked about the holidays which I assumed were hard for him. He told me his family had gotten together for the first time in a long while and that he really enjoyed himself. He said " We celebrated the real reason for Christmas, no gifts, just spending quality time with family." I have felt sad all day and on my drive home I thought about him and the last time I saw him. I'm really glad he and his family had that one really nice last Christmas together. Now maybe he can be with his wife and she can explain why she did what she did. I hope he rests in peace.

I did have a positive thing happen prior to work. A positive OPK! I'm trying to relax and not think about it too much. Maybe this will be our cycle. It's only been six months now. I NEVER thought it would have taken this long. Of course what does my husband do? Works a double yesterday, out with friends tonight celebrating a birthday and has plans with another friend tomorrow. Ugh! Hopefully we will be blessed with a baby soon.

Pretty Snow!

My kitty cat looking out the window. I think she is starting to feel comfortable now. At first she would only come out of our bedroom to eat and use the litter box. but now she is all over the place. This is the biggest living space she has ever had and she still has not seen the basement.I'm just relaxing on this cold Sunday morning. The snow has been falling off and on. It looks really pretty. This is my view from my absolute favorite chair.
It is so quiet and peaceful out in the country. A big change for this city girl but I LOVE it. So far I have seen a few birds, squirrels, and deer. I hope the numbers increase in the spring. I plan on putting some feeders out so I'm sure that will help.

The picture below shows the field where we have seen some deer. A few weeks ago we saw thirteen, two of which were bucks. Yesterday we saw about eight back at the fence line. Too far for me to get a picture. Hmmm maybe I need to invest in a camera with the lenses.

The snow is very pretty but not liking the cold so much. Especially the below zero temps. Hopefully we can get back up into the 30's at least soon.

Now I need to get motivated to go grocery shopping. It's really hard when the weather is cold. Plus it's Sunday and the store will be a mad house. I could go tomorrow but I already know that I would rather come home after work than go to the store.

Christmas with Dan, Laura, Maddy and Mom "M"

We had such a nice visit with Dan, Laura, Maddy and my mother in law Lynn. I feel very blessed to have them in my life. The visit was such a mood booster for me. I really needed it. It is hard not to smile and laugh when my 3 1/2 year old niece Maddy is around. She says the cutest things and she is so animated when she speaks. I posted some pictures below to share our fun day.

Then there is Chad.

She loved the barbie doll. I just love the look on his face.

Grammy Lynn bought Maddy her own grand piano. She is so excited.

Cute!

We talked the boys into wearing our towels that Laura and I got for Christmas. Maddy has her new hat on.

Dan and Maddy dancing.

Here is our future dancer. I bet she danced for 45 minutes straight. We turned on our Sirius music channels anything from the top hits to the 80's. She had moves for it all. Oh yes barbie had to dance too.

It has been a long exciting day now it is tme for bed. Goodnight Maddy. Uncle Chad and Aunt Natalie love you very much!